Terracotta army in takeover bid; mastermind unknown

Jo-Anne Ireland, of Alexandra, hopes no more tiny men invade her garden. Photo: Jono Edwards.
Jo-Anne Ireland, of Alexandra, hopes no more tiny men invade her garden. Photo: Jono Edwards.
By her own admission, Alexandra’s Jo-Anne Ireland just adores Christmas.

But she’s thinking of declaring the festive season a "gnome-man’s land".

Why? Because for the past 10 years someone has mysteriously given her the same present — a garden gnome.

The trouble is she doesn’t like them — "I just think they’re ugly looking things."

But after 10 years, and a variety of 12 gnomes in total, the tradition continues this year.

"I’ve got another present from Santa this year, and I think I  know what it is."

Her desire to find the culprit has led to some Yuletide forensics, but so far no-one has  slipped up.

"The first couple of years I kept my Christmas cards. I’d line them all up and try and match the writing. But it’s always in the same caps writing."

The wrapping paper has also yielded no clues, and she is left with few solid suspects.

"At first I thought it might be my husband, Alan, but I ruled him out because I know he would have let it slip.

"Then I thought it was my dearest friend Sue, but she is adamant it’s not her."

Mrs Ireland suspects the perpetrator knows she is not one to discard a gift.

"I put them in the garden, but I hide them where no-one can see. I think whoever it is knows I don’t like them, but that I will keep looking after them."

However, her distaste for the terracotta terrors is no indicator of her feelings towards the holiday.

"I love Christmas. I look forward to Christmas from Boxing Day onwards. In my heart it’s Christmas every day."

But, if she does manage to finally identify her mystery benefactor, she knows exactly what she will do with her gnome collection.

"Wrap them all back up in a big bow, and give them all back to them."

Comments

Imagine the trouble they have at (G)Nome, Alaska, the Gnome Office, Whitehall, and the BBC Gnome Service.

 

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