Strikers and cliches go hand in hand in football, just like Joey Barton and trouble, Eduardo and diving, Sir Alex Ferguson and ranting, Liverpool and success.
A good striker is "worth his weight in gold".
The best frontmen "know how to find the back of the net''.
And, if you are really lucky, you find a forward who "puts a bulge in the auld onion bag''. Am I right, Mr Smyth with a Y?
With good reason, the strikers are the ones who get all the praise when a team is playing well, and get ruthlessly panned when the onion bag is lacking in bulges.
Football's a simple game. Score goals, you win. Score lots of goals, you're a legend.
But who's the best striker in the Premiership?
Oooh, sounds like an excuse for a Top 10 List.
1. Fernando Torres (Liverpool)
An easy one. An Anfield legend and he's barely been there two seasons. Just notched his fourth Liverpool hat trick and scored his eighth goal of the season. Not for sale at any price, thank God.
See Torres here
2. Wayne Rooney (Man United)
Uglier than the ugliest British Bulldog but what a player. If he followed Cristiano Ronaldo out of the Old Trafford exit, United would crumble. And he's England's main hope at the World Cup next year.
See Rooney here
3. Didier Drogba (Chelsea)
A diving, dramatic, foul-mouthed git. But you'd pick him.
See Drogba here
4. Nicolas Anelka (Chelsea)
Something of a quiet achiever now after years of whoring himself out to the highest bidder and acting more petulantly than a five-year-old. Has had more clubs than Tiger Woods but seems to have settled nicely at Chelski.
See Anelka here
5. Robin van Persie (Arsenal)
A classic striker? Probably not. But has been playing up front for the Arsenal and has a knack of scoring.
See van Persie here
6. Carlos Tevez (Manchester City)
Still better known for being part of one of the dodgiest deals in British football history, followed by one of the funniest ad campaigns. A poacher, a creator, an innovator.
See Tevez here
7. Robbie Keane (Tottenham)
Failed dismally at Liverpool - but was he solely to blame? Misfires occasionally but works his tail off and gets the goals.
See Keane here
8. Dimitar Berbatov (Manchester United)
A strange man and a strange player. Scores mind-blowing goals when he feels like it.
See Berbatov here
9. Emmanuel Adebayor (Manchester City)
The pride of Arsenal, er, City. Still running in celebration after scoring against his old club.
See Adebayor here
10. Jermain Defoe (Tottenham)
Some doubts over his genuine class at the top level. But he shoots, he scores. It's a simple game, remember.
See Defoe here
Honourable mentions: Craig Bellamy (thug with a sweet boot), Peter Crouch (easily the best striker on stilts), Darren Bent (under-rated), Gabriel Agbonlahor (next year), Robinho (not really a striker) and Emile Heskey (sentimental reasons).
A fantasy football competition in which I take part has the strikers ranked: Rooney, Torres, Drogba, van Persie, Berbatov, Adebayor, Tevez, Robinho, Anelka, Defoe.
A fan on a Liverpool forum I visit wondered whether my club had been blessed by a better line of strikers than any other.
Certainly, the Rush-Aldridge-Fowler-Owen-Torres line is pretty impressive. But Man United fans might argue for their own Cantona-Cole-Van Nistelrooy-Rooney combination.
