Parker: When I first moved down to Owaka, people thought that I liked to talk a lot. But the main reason was when I first started playing premier rugby, I thought I was pretty good at drinking quickly. I was playing hooker, and I had both props next to me and challenged them to drink. At the end of the night I had about four handles lined up while they were still keeping up with each other. I dribbled over myself and just talked a bit of rubbish as well.
Where did you grow up and go to school?
Born in England, moved out to New Zealand when I was 10, and I went through Dunstan High School.
How did you end up in South Otago?
My parents took over the Owaka pub. They hadn't been publicans before — they just thought it would be a good challenge. I was doing part-time work at the top pub in Alex, so I had my bar manager's licence. They were after a duty manager down there, so I said I'd come help for a year or so, but I kind of just stayed there.
Tell me about your playing career in rugby.
I think I played two games of First XV rugby for Dunstan. I was more of a football player back then. I managed to get one game for the Alexandra premier team at fullback when I was 18 or 19. Anton Oliver played for Toko that day, and he ran over me a good four or five times to score three or four tries. That sort of put me off rugby for a bit. I played Fletcher Cup football for Alexandra when they were in the football league in Dunedin. And then when I came to Owaka, it was either travel half an hour to play football or try my hand at rugby again.
You enjoy playing for the mighty Swamp Hens?
There have been lots of memorable occasions as an Owaka rugby player. Most games that we win are quite well celebrated. I remember playing in my 150th game and I think I'd only won 11 matches for Owaka. We've got a lot better since then.
You've played over 200 games now?
Yeah, 204, something like that. I was on the bench a couple of weeks ago because we were short, but I've moved into a sort of assistant coach role this year. If the legs are short, I'll put the boots on, but I’m hoping to slither off into retirement.
And cricket?
Yeah, still playing cricket. It used to be more of a social thing with the mates over the summer because I was more of a softballer back in the day. But when I moved down to South Otago, there wasn't much softball. So I turned my hand to cricket.
What's been the highlight of your cricket career?
Hitting 24 runs off an Eden Carson over in between matches at the Southern Region T20 finals day last year. A couple of the Sparks turned up just to see the kids and run a few drills and stuff. Owaka were in the third-fourth playoff, and between our game and the final, one of our players had jacked up a couple of the Sparks to have a wee go with the kids. But we ended up batting. Emma Black bowled Jeremy Gray out first ball, so I had a bat. This was two or three stubbies deep, probably. Eden came on and yeah, the eyes lit up.
Outside playing, what sort of administration and coaching roles have you held?
Would it be fair to say you found your calling writing about, talking about and promoting South Otago sport?
When I left school, I went to uni for a brief time and my goal was to do something with journalism or that sort of film and media direction. It didn't last very long at uni but, yeah, I've managed to fall into it. I don't know if it's a calling but I really enjoy it. I guess I've been pretty lucky along the way. A lot of people have sort of managed to push me in the right direction.
How many hours a week do you devote to writing yarns for the ODT and doing all your social media?
I'd say maybe seven or eight. Back in the early days, it would be up around 15 hours. I didn't really have any idea what I was doing, but now I've got templates set up. Saturday nights and Sunday mornings are usually the busy time, but it runs quite smoothly now.
Do you feel that sports like rugby and cricket are still a huge part of a community like South Otago?
Absolutely. That's hit home this year with Clinton pulling out of our rugby competition. It's dead in the town over the winter. They've got a couple of junior teams, but in terms of the buzz that a premier rugby game has on a community, it's a massive hole. I do think it's a gathering. It's where the community can gather together and enjoy each other's company for 80 minutes. I think it's very important.
How do you deal with people criticising the odd thing you write?
That's probably the hardest thing. It's not so much the outside noise, it's the internal, and being part of a team like Owaka who haven't always been the best team on the field. Writing about them was difficult back in the start. I'd like to hope that I'm not that one-eyed, but it was hard to write how badly Owaka played when I was part of it. It's worse when you're playing cricket and you take some wickets or you score some runs. I don't want to write myself up, and it’s always hard hearing people laugh and say you only write about yourself. But I've got pretty thick skin.
The Bandits, the Royal Landfill — did you invent all these names or were they around before you arrived?
There'd always been a couple associated with teams like the Clutha Steamers. But with cricket, I was asked to make up names for them. And then from there, the rugby ones sort of just came as well. The grounds ... I got a bit of stick when I named them. The Royal Landfill is a particular favourite of mine. The Cosmic Bullring. Swamp Hen Park.
The only thing you love more than South Otago sport is Liverpool football. How long have you supported the greatest club in the world?
It was the Champions League final in Istanbul in 2005 that really made me love Liverpool. I've always supported them, but in terms of actual loyalty, it was the 2005 final. I took the morning off school to watch it. Got in a hell of a lot of trouble with parents and teachers, because they knew exactly what I was doing.
But you weren't born in Liverpool, and your parents aren't Liverpudlians?
No, my father is a staunch Huddersfield Town fan. He played a lot of football in England at a pretty high level. We lived probably about half an hour away from Bradford, and Bradford City and Huddersfield have a good rivalry.
Do you follow any other sports?
And if I put you on the spot and asked you to pick a winner in South Otago club rugby this season?
Clutha. Although West Taieri have hit their straps in the weekend, so whoever stays the fittest out of those two teams will win. That will be the final, I'm picking.
Owaka?
Well, we got our first win in the weekend. We've got Clutha, West Taieri and Crescent in the next three weeks. We'll defend our bottom four title, I'm going to say that.
What’s your real job?
I work for AsureQuality as a meat inspector. Up to our elbows in dead animals all day. I'm also the trainer here, and I've just recently had six trainees being passed off.
You’re a husband and a father?
Yes, had our first aerobics competition in Invercargill yesterday. It was outstanding. To be fair, I couldn't do what I do without Maree, my wife, and Harriet, my daughter. They're amazing. Marie has shouldered a lot of responsibility over the years. Harriet turns 10 in July. She's a keen netballer. And she came away with a couple of golds from her first aerobics tournament, so she’s stoked.
Your little brother, Rowan, died in a quadbike accident on Boxing Day, 2012, at the age of 16. What was Rowan like?
He was a nice fella. Yeah, just one of those boys that everyone likes. He was sporty. I coached his under-15 rugby team. He played lock. Probably my proudest moment on a footy field was when he scored in his first ever game of rugby. He only scored one try and it was a 50m intercept and he looked like a giraffe. He was quite a tall, lanky sort of fella. And he ran 50m. He had no idea what to do. We had to tell him to put the ball down pretty much.
How did his death shape you and your life?
Yeah, obviously it was a shock at the time when it happened. It’s just made me realise that tomorrow's not a given. And I suppose it's a cliche because everyone says it, but you've got to live every day. You've got to not be scared to do things and say things because you might not ever get a chance to say them again. It's made me a lot closer with my parents. Not that we were ever separate, but it's definitely brought me closer, especially with my dad. We do a lot of stuff now. He watches every single cricket game, every single rugby game. If I'm going to watch, say, Clutha v West Taieri at Outram, he always comes too. He's always got advice for me, what he wants me to write in the paper or wants me to write on Facebook. So he's really immersed in my reporting side of it, because I suppose he just wants to be involved, which is cool.
If Rowan was here, what do you imagine he'd be doing?
Well I'd have forced him into playing rugby for Owaka. I'm sure we'd have played together. It's actually quite sad, because one of my best mates, Lyndon McNab, he lost his brother, Baden, as well. We reckon that we would both be playing and our brothers would be playing as well. There's actually a trophy at the Owaka club, the Rowan Parker-Baden McNab Memorial Trophy, which is given to the player’s player at the end of each year. That's pretty cool that we can remember them like that. I don't know what Rowan wanted to do. Before he died, literally the week before he died, he was named head boy at Catlins Area School. He was into diving and all that sort of stuff, but it's hard to figure out what would have happened. But I'm sure I would have bullied him into playing rugby for the Swamp Hens.
