As a man - a big man - let me extend a warm apology to one of the unexpected success stories of a very promising Highlanders season.
Some years ago, Chris Noakes was talked of as the next big thing in Otago rugby.
But it never really happened.
He looked good in the light blue jersey of University A, then failed to make much of an impact at all in the dark blue jersey of Otago.
Noakes parted company with the province and joined Bay of Plenty, and plenty (including me) assumed he'd plug away there for a couple of years before finding a paying gig in Japan or France or Wales.
I admit I was completely shocked when the Highlanders finalised their 2012 squad and among the new contracted players was Noakes.
What was Jamie Joseph seeing that we weren't?
And if they needed a third first five (after Colin Slade and Lima Sopoaga), why not go for a local guy (Glenn Dickson) who was just as good, if not better?
This is why I sit at this keyboard, and King Jamie looks after the rugby team.
All Noakes has done is calmly assume the No 10 jersey following the season-ending injuries to Slade and Sopoaga, make all of his kicks in the opening win against the Chiefs, and land a winning goal against the Hurricanes.
Now pushed back to second string following the arrival of Mike Delany, Noakes made another huge contribution last weekend, kicking a long penalty goal to seal a dramatic Highlanders comeback against the Cheetahs.
I'm now calling Noakes the Iceman. And happily conceding he was an inspired selection.
Super standings
So here's an interesting question.
Where exactly did the Highlanders sit on the Super 15 table going into this round? Fifth? Fourth?
Second in the New Zealand conference and second in the race for three wildcard spots?
The question of how to present the Super 15 standings has vexed the Otago Daily Times since the competition expanded and rejigged its playoff system.
It's all quite confusing. Should we keep running a combined points table, indicating which three teams are the conference leaders?
And should those three teams fill spots one through three, or be placed according to their overall points tally?
Or should we simply run standings from the three conferences, and let readers work out which three other teams will make the playoffs?
Sanzar guidelines indicate the three conference leaders do, in fact, fill the top three places in the overall standings.
Therefore, prior to this round, the Brumbies (31 points) were third, even though they had fewer points than the fourth-placed Bulls (37) and the fifth-placed Highlanders (34).
I think we need to start talking about the "wildcard race", as the Americans do with baseball.
So, the three conference leaders are straight into the playoffs. The other 12 teams are fighting for three wildcard spots. And the Highlanders, before this round, were second in the wildcard race.
Simple, huh?
Body work
Adam Thomson did some great work to help save the Otago Spirit rugby team, and now it is James Haskell's turn.
Haskell, the Englishman playing alongside Thomson in the Highlanders loose trio, is the subject of an interesting internet auction.
Bids are open on an opportunity to paint Haskell's body - you heard - to raise money for the Otago Community Hospice.
The auction closes on Monday.
A draft . . .
I don't want to bang on about the wonder and beauty of American sport ... but let me just bang on about the wonder and beauty of American sport a little bit more.
You see, they just held the NFL draft, the annual extravaganza where the best players coming out of college get selected by the professional American football teams.
It's a little bit staged and over-hyped, of course. But it's utterly fascinating.
You have young men becoming instant millionaires, teams trading picks, and teams taking a punt on 23-year-old kids who have been arrested twice and have four kids with three different women (my team grabbed one of those).
It makes for good TV and a great series of discussion points for fans in the off-season.
Most importantly, the draft system is the most effective way to make a league competitive. It levels the talent, and helps even the most hopeless teams get better.
... is not daft
This is where I reiterate my unqualified support for a more structured and transparent draft process in New Zealand rugby.
Let the five Super franchises contract just 20 players under a strict salary cap.
Put all the others, plus all those selected in the New Zealand Colts and New Zealand Schools teams, into the pot.
Hold a draft, with the worst-placed New Zealand franchise picking first. Televise the thing, and award contracts based on how high players are picked.
It can't miss.
Coup for Shanks
World champion cyclist Alison Shanks has received a big boost as she winds up for her tilt at Olympic gold.
Otago's Shanks has been included in a campaign run by giant American company Procter & Gamble, an official Olympic Games sponsor.
A birdie tells us Shanks and mother Kay were recently the subjects of a film shoot that will form part of an advertising campaign focusing on mothers.
P&G is the company behind brands including Gillette, Pantene, Oral-B, Vicks, Head & Shoulders and Ambi Pur.
Total sales last year? Just $US82.6 billion ($NZ102.86 billion).
Cup final
You thought you'd escape without SOME mention of tomorrow morning's FA Cup final between Liverpool and Chelsea?
Let's just say that if my beloved Reds can win a second trophy this season, that will be some consolation for a truly horrific Premier League campaign.
And if Fernando Torres scores the winning goal for Chelsea, don't expect me to make ANY mention of it next week.
Birthday of the week
Robert DiPierdomenico is 54 today.
The "Big Dipper" was an Aussie Rules great, making 240 appearances (130 goals) for Hawthorn between 1975 and 1991.
He also had one of the great moustaches.
And try saying his name 10 times: Robert DiPierdomenico. Robert DiPierdomenico. Robert DiPierdomenico. Robert DiPier ...
