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wit's end

OpinionFebruary 23

Wedding dress question of who wears the trousers

"Uncle Norm" Fossil is renowned for the erudition of his advice, his common sense, and his crusade for cisgender rights in bowls teams. 
Wedding dress question of who wears the trousers
Wedding dress question of who wears the trousers
OpinionJanuary 26

Worst yet to come in shortsighted Megzit

Wit's End cannot offer you the last word on Megzit. There are a million that precede this column and a zillion more to follow.
Worst yet to come in shortsighted Megzit
Worst yet to come in shortsighted Megzit
OpinionJanuary 12

Here’s some advice, and whatever you do, apologise

My Uncle Norm, the famed Agony Aunt columnist, asks Wit’s End to help bandage troubled minds by running the overflow of anguished letters begging for his advice.
Here’s some advice, and whatever you do, apologise
Here’s some advice, and whatever you do, apologise
OpinionDecember 2

There are lock-ups you just don’t want to find yourself in

You've probably heard that the famous poem See Venice and Die by German writer Herbert Nehrlich has been updated and is now ‘‘See Venice and Drown’’.
There are lock-ups you just don’t want to find yourself in
There are lock-ups you just don’t want to find yourself in
OpinionDecember 1

I am tasked with saving a quiz team

While they sort out Steve Hansen’s successor, I have accepted the job of scrummaging coach to The Intellectual Dwarfs, writes John Lapsley.
OpinionNovember 17

Generating debate for ages, so what will come after Z?

When Chloe Swarbrick casually flicked her "OK Boomer" insult across the aisle to National MP Todd Muller, she hadn't a clue she'd just turned it into the International Meme of the Year.
Generating debate for ages, so what will come after Z?
Generating debate for ages, so what will come after Z?
OpinionNovember 3

Knowledge not always derived from the obvious

I recently raged about the bonkers wastefulness of an Australian University that offered a doctoral course on making symphony orchestras safer places, writes John Lapsley.
Knowledge not always derived from the obvious
Knowledge not always derived from the obvious
OpinionOctober 20

Sandwiched in a situation tres difficile

I shall fudge, and write first of John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich. This is because there is a second sandwich matter which I must approach more gingerly, and only after first donning scrubs, gasmask, and rubber gloves. And so. -
Sandwiched in a situation tres difficile
Sandwiched in a situation tres difficile
OpinionOctober 6

Peace Prize contenders agonise over chances

You will know of my uncle, Norman Fossil, the famed agony aunt columnist to the rich and famous, writes columnist John Lapsley.
Peace Prize contenders agonise over chances
Peace Prize contenders agonise over chances
OpinionSeptember 22

Blame it all on Brussels

We heap most of the Brexit blame on the wrong scoundrels. The chief knave isn't Blustering Boris, nor is it his tattered, flummoxed Parliament.
Blame it all on Brussels
Blame it all on Brussels
OpinionSeptember 8

Airports essentially Purgatory

I have no special grudge against the Tsars of Honolulu's airport. Their transit camp for travellers is no more nor less humane than most of the penitentiaries through which the airline passenger must pass.
Airports essentially Purgatory
Airports essentially Purgatory
OpinionAugust 11

Taking risk avoiding mania to task - without spelling it out

Back when I set out upon this column's ponderings, I needed to come up with the right sounding title, writes columnist John Lapsley.
Taking risk avoiding mania to task - without spelling it out
Taking risk avoiding mania to task - without spelling it out
OpinionJuly 28

Clear moon landing memories distilled from fuzzy footage

We've been watching young TV reporters ask the wrinkled classes what it meant to them 50 years ago when Neil Armstrong placed the first footprint on the moon. (Armstrong's boot was a size 9 b medium).
Clear moon landing memories distilled from fuzzy footage
Clear moon landing memories distilled from fuzzy footage
OpinionJuly 14

Folau affair: the four sides of the square of foolishness

In an odd way, it's been a privilege to watch, mouth agape, the lunatic unfolding of the Israel Folau affair, writes John Lapsley.
Folau affair: the four sides of the square of foolishness
Folau affair: the four sides of the square of foolishness
OpinionJune 30

Case for Spooner as 'mine fan' for 'residing prole' in House

Amid the bubble and squeak which burbles from the Beehive, we hear hurt complaints about its sometimes grumpy Speaker, Trevor Mallard, writes John Lapsley.
Case for Spooner as 'mine fan' for 'residing prole' in House
Case for Spooner as 'mine fan' for 'residing prole' in House
OpinionJune 16

Lessons for NZ politics in Australian election surprise

I'm visiting Sydney, where I confront the Aussie side of my soul. I grapple with the ways in which it is different, then wonder why I give a toss, writes John Lapsley.
Lessons for NZ politics in Australian election surprise
Lessons for NZ politics in Australian election surprise
OpinionJune 2

Tree or hedge, this family never forgets

Once we shamble past say, 50, there is a very good case for living in the past writes columnist John Lapsley.
Tree or hedge, this family never forgets
Tree or hedge, this family never forgets
OpinionMay 19

Vale, Bob - you were the best

Self- made millionaires are a fervently right-wing species. They've started from scratch, stared down the big bad world, and made their motza. They have little time for "spongers" and "lefties", writes John Lapsley.
Vale, Bob - you were the best
Vale, Bob - you were the best
OpinionApril 21

'Live and let live' attitude gives way to 'zero tolerance'

Back in those dear departed days of yore, there was a Kiwi catch-phrase so common it was almost cliche: "Live and let live", writes John Lapsley.
'Live and let live' attitude gives way to 'zero tolerance'
'Live and let live' attitude gives way to 'zero tolerance'
OpinionApril 7

Odd place-names prove to be an excellent magnet

You don't need to be certifiable to indulge yourself in distinctly odd fantasies. The world would be as dull as a diet dinner if we couldn't savour our favourite daydreams.
Odd place-names prove to be an excellent magnet
Odd place-names prove to be an excellent magnet
OpinionMarch 24

Dunedin's cancer ward much better than Solzhenitsyn's

So what books do you pick up for reading, when suddenly plonked into Dunedin Hospital's Ward 8c - that noble institution's cancer ward, asks John Lapsley. 
OpinionMarch 10

Why we're in the dog box

The proposed first sentence of this column got banged into my keyboard two months ago. But I'd been diverted and hadn't taken it further.
Why we're in the dog box
Why we're in the dog box
OpinionFebruary 24

Reminders of Royal Tennis raise the oddity of all sport

Other people - the oddballs, flakes, and Pecksniffians - often fail to live up to our expectations. They let us down, writes John Lapsley.
Reminders of Royal Tennis raise the oddity of all sport
Reminders of Royal Tennis raise the oddity of all sport
OpinionDecember 23

Gene-editing researcher: at least he gets the job done

I'm unsure whether to cheer or boo the cheeky Chinese genetic researcher who it seems is unsuitably proud of his breakthrough in ''editing'' children before they're born.
Gene-editing researcher: at least he gets the job done
Gene-editing researcher: at least he gets the job done
OpinionNovember 11

Our political lite is all right, compared to the others

When visiting Dunedin by myself, I head to my favourite restaurant — the estimable Two Chefs in Stuart St, writes John Lapsley. 
Our political lite is all right, compared to the others
Our political lite is all right, compared to the others