Naturally, there is some behaviour which is so abhorrent that it can never be excused by the context, but before we judge the actions of others, we need to understand the context in which they took place.
Context shapes who we are. It also helps to explain why we did what we did, when we did it.
Take the recent example of Sam Uffindell, the National MP who has been exposed as a bully when he was a 16-year-old at boarding school in 1999 and as a university student in the early 2000s.
He has been stood down from caucus while the facts of his past are investigated, so that his suitability as a leader of our community in 2022 can be assessed.
Mr Uffindell has been quoted in the media as saying: "It’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done and something I deeply regret. I’ve worked hard to be a better person than I was as a teenager".
His supporters say that he genuinely feels remorse and has changed. He is now a "great husband and father" and "is passionate about wanting to make New Zealand a better place".
Putting Things in Context
I went to boarding school and university about seven years before Mr Uffindell. The context and culture of what was acceptable behaviour in those environments then is very different from what is acceptable today.
Just as what was acceptable behaviour for my father, who attended boarding school and university 30 years before me, may be viewed differently now.
That is not to say that I condone in any way what Mr Uffindell may have done or what was acceptable behaviour then. My point is that we need to be aware of the context in which his actions took place, to help us better understand them.
For example, other people who went to the same school as him (such as musician and author Lizzie Marvelly and former minister of immigration Iain Lees-Galloway) have said the school had an entrenched culture of bullying.
Culture informs the way people behave, interact with one another, communicate and understand the world around them. It is shared by a group of people and is learned through socialisation.
At the time, Mr Uffindell was also young and inexperienced. The rational part of the brain (the prefrontal cortex) is not fully developed then and will not be until age 25 or so.
The development of the prefrontal cortex is particularly important for complex behavioural performances. Research has found that adult and teen brains work differently.
Adults think with the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s rational part. This is the part of the brain that responds to situations with good judgement and an awareness of long-term consequences.
Teens process information with the amygdala. This is the emotional part. That is why, when teens have overwhelming emotions, they cannot explain what they were thinking when they took a particular course of action; they were not thinking as much as they were feeling. This helps us understand how Mr Uffindell may have changed and learned from his younger days.
How Context Can Help You Understand
When you are dealing with conflict in the workplace or in any facet of life, it is important to look at the conflict itself: what it is, how it has arisen and even who is most at fault.
However, you need to be careful not to miss out on another key aspect, the context within which the conflict first arose. In other words, we cannot consider a conflict situation in isolation from the circumstances in which it has occurred, and the key to its resolution may well lie as much in this contextual realm as it does in appreciating the conflict issues and the people involved in the dispute.
For example, what might be seen as bullying in one workplace may not be seen as bullying in another workplace because they have different cultures; they tolerate different types of behaviour.
Or a person accused of bullying may come from a different era to the person who has complained about being bullied; they have different beliefs of what behaviour amounts to bullying.
Differing values or beliefs do not necessarily lead to conflict, but disputes can occur when people attempt to force their own beliefs or attitudes on others, or do not allow for different views.
To resolve a dispute when values and beliefs conflict (in this example, what behaviour is acceptable in your workplace), your team members should describe what behaviour they think is "bullying" and discuss why they hold those views so that you can fully explore any different views in a balanced way.
It is important to appreciate that many factors will influence those views, including the age and environment in which a person grew up.
To enable a full resolution to any conflict, it is also essential to allow people to learn from their past, to admit their mistakes and be able to make good on them. This will allow for trust to grow (back) between the people involved in the conflict.
Conflict does not happen in a vacuum. It is affected by the context in which we live now and what has shaped us from our past. While we may not agree with what a person did, understanding where they come from will help us work towards a resolution and move on.
Kate Hesson is a senior resolution practitioner at Fair Way Resolution.
