Dunedin men don't dance. On the whole, the women don't either, apart from a few misguided souls who would probably be happier living in Nelson, or some other flippant town.
Dunedin people don't dance because they are brought up - properly, too - to regard the activity as slightly unworthy, slightly superficial and quite a lot flamboyant.
We look down on people who dance. We view them in a judgemental way, and group them with mime artists, magicians and possibly the acting community as less sober and hard-working than the rest of us.
And we make no apologies for having these views. We come from a small, cold community that grips grimly on to a group of steep hills, buffeted by cruel southerly winds, with rain beating down upon our heads and ice forming between our toes. We never let go. That makes us strong.
But you won't see us dancing.
For that reason, I predict Live to Dance, beginning this Friday on Prime at 8.30pm, will not be popular.
The promotional material is the sort of colourful fluff that would turn us off for a start. What is that Paula Abdul wearing? A black negligee for God's sake, with a large red rose somehow stitched to the front! What sort of get-out is that for a young lady?
Live to Dance is a United States version of Got to Dance, the United Kingdom show from 2009 that was both a dance competition and reality show at the same time.
Hosted by Davina McCall, it had Ashley Banjo, Kimberly Wyatt and Adam Garcia as judges.
Live to Dance has the shockingly under-dressed Paula Abdul, as well as Kimberly Wyatt and Travis Payne, who freely admits he was choreographer for Michael Jackson.
Paula Abdul is clearly the star, though, with the former pop singer and American Idol judge winning the first competition of the show - who has the largest black limousine pull up outside the purpose-built "dance dome" the show drags across the United States in search of "talent".
Live to Dance begins with a preview of the sort of qualities one can expect from Paula Abdul, who was once married to Emilio Estevez.
"You inspire me so much," she tells a competitor.
"Wow, wow, wow," she tells another.
"I'm looking for dancers who operate in their unique ability," she says, incomprehensibly.
We also get some idea of what Kimberly Wyatt and Travis Payne will bring to the show.
"I want quality, I want skill and I want perfection," Mr Payne says.
"I have been dancing since I was 7 years old," Ms Wyatt says.
Perhaps it would be best to do a quick-step around this show.
Just go to bed early; you have plenty of good, hard work tomorrow.
