From world-class athletes to a scathing social commentary, the world of naming a horse is the proverbial oyster for many owners as they decide on what to dub their pride and joy. But there are rules, as Matt Smith discovered when he scratched the surface of the horse-naming process.
What's in a name? When it comes to the world of horse racing, the answer is pretty much anything - within good taste.
And that leaves the commentators with the hardest job of all.
Some owners and breeders have some sympathy for race callers and broadcasters and keep things fairly simple, using the name of the sire (the father) and the dam (the mother) to create something simple. One of the better examples of this is the great mare Sunline, who was by the sire Desert Sun and out of a mare named Songline.
But that would be too easy for many owners out there as they think of ways to make their horse memorable - even if their performances on the racetrack aren't up to much.
There are rules, however. Both thoroughbred racing and harness racing share similar rules, with one difference being the length of the name. Harness racing's guidelines allow a name of up to 20 characters, while thoroughbred racing allows 18 characters or fewer.
Horses who have won group 1 races (the races that feature the cream of the racing crop - consider it like a rugby test match) cannot have their names reused, while in harness racing, there is a 20-year stand-down before you can use the name of a horse that has raced; and, of course, the names have to be appropriate.
Which is where the fun starts.
Harness Racing New Zealand (HRNZ) and New Zealand Thoroughbred Racing (NZTR) have been kind enough to share some of the names that failed to make the cut - generally for reasons of decency.
Some are obvious once you say them out loud - Hoof Hearted makes a regular appearance on the registrations desk at HRNZ, as does Far Canal, and they never make it through.
Other names have the staff at HRNZ searching translation sites on the internet - Grandi Tette is apparently the Italian phrase to describe a large set of breasts, or ''big boobs'', to be precise. Just be careful when you google that phrase.
Adolf Hitler may have dominated parts of Europe 70 years ago but his name will never dominate New Zealand racecourses, as a request to HRNZ to use the evil fascist dictator's name was unsuccessful.
Whileyourdownthere and Porn Star lacked class and failed to escape the cutting-room floor, while various names referring to body parts were not clever enough to get past the censors for reasons that become obvious when you start cheering your horse home with the phrase ''come on''.
But don't jump too quickly to conclusions and think the registration departments at HRNZ and NZTR are puritanical. In fact, NZTR let one slip through a couple of years ago.
A galloper named Perky'N'Ready collected two wins from 18 starts between late 2009 and May 2011, but it wasn't the mare's galloping abilities that grabbed punters' attention at her first start in November 2009.
The galloper (out of the mare Perky Lass) actually had her first race under the name Perky Areola before NZTR realised they had been ''stiffed'' by the owners and changed the name to the more politically correct Perky'N'Ready.
Even the odd letter switcharoo is enough to get some names into the official database. Bertie Dich, who had 20 winless starts around the South Island a few years ago, is probably remembered less for her trotting style and more for commentators having to ensure the letters ''B'' and ''D'' were not spoonerised.
Both codes do encourage creativity. A stallion called Howbaddouwantit is always going to give rise (excuse the pun) to some names just drowned in sexual innuendo. Among the names given to some of his progeny, the best include Ask My Wife, Nice 'N' Easy, Hard And Fast and All Night Long.
A pacing mare named Knees Together is partly responsible for some of the better names to have graced New Zealand harness tracks in recent years. Her foals have included Uppindowns, No More Valentines, Three Months, I Decline, Not Tonight, Nomorenuki and You Wish. The breeders of Nomorenuki have kept playing the game, naming her first foal Sell A Bit (say it out loud).
New Zealand Racing Board commentator Mark McNamara has been calling races since 1995, when he called at the trials at Bulli, south of Sydney. In that time he's come across some cracking names - and some commentators' nightmares.
He still holds a grudge towards Harness Racing Australia for renaming She Sells Sea Shells, who McNamara had to call for part of her 41-start career in New Zealand.
''I was furious when I saw it got renamed Misscshells - those rotten Aussies, fancy renaming a legendary trotter like that,'' the former New South Welshman said.
She Sells Sea Shells belonged in the ''difficult'' category for McNamara, who took a structured approach to the challenging names.
''I tend to write them down phonetically, and in little brackets.
''I try not to look at the book too much when I'm calling, but when it comes to those sort of names, it pays to slow down a bit, take a breath and have a glance just to make sure when you've got it right.
''For instance, when She Sells Sea Shells used to run, I'd have She Sells on a piece of paper on one side of the desk and Sea Shells on the other, so you could just slow down.
''I think I buggered it up once and that was on [New Zealand] Cup day. It was a race or two before the cup and I made a meal of it 100m out, so that soured my She Sells Sea Shells unblemished record.''
One of McNamara's favourite names belonged to a greyhound by Elite State out of Sherry Forest whose name evoked less than pleasant memories in Australia.
''It was called Navi Talim and if you spell Navi Talim backwards, it spells Ivan Milat, the backpacker murderer,'' he said.
''It had six starts and the local member [of Parliament] where it was racing up Maitland way got them to change it and it became Pooky Bear.''
Speaking of notable names, some great horses have carried some familiar human names - Christian Cullen (the pacer) possibly the most famous of all. The star of Australasian racetracks in the late 1990s has since made his mark in the breeding barn, but he would have needed a new name if Cullen the rugby player had not allowed his name to be used.
If an owner or breeder wishes to use the name of a well-known New Zealander - living or dead - written permission is required from the person or their family.
The rules are a bit looser when it comes to famous people from overseas, but HRNZ's registration department uses its ''good judgement'' on whether a name should be allowed.
McNamara has two pieces of advice when it comes to horse names:If he is mispronouncing the name, let him know.
''If they come and tell me, it's OK, and if they come and tell me nicely, it's even better.
''Sometimes, they fire up a bit but you try and calm them down and take it on the chin - they pay the bills, after all.
And the main thing to remember if you're about to name a racehorse?
''Keep it nice and easy and stop naming them after Russians.''
