Friendship eases way for caregivers of stroke survivors

Stroke survivor Russell Fox and his wife, Dianne (centre), with their friend Gaynor McNaught,...
Stroke survivor Russell Fox and his wife, Dianne (centre), with their friend Gaynor McNaught, whose husband also survived a stroke. PHOTO: GREGOR RICHARDSON
Being understood means feeling less alone for Dunedin women Dianne Fox and Gaynor McNaught, who have found a new friendship has helped both of them after their husbands had strokes.

The pair were put in contact by the Stroke Foundation and formed what has become an important friendship, supporting each other through their new roles as carers.

Mrs Fox (66) and Mrs McNaught (80) are two of the carers who will attend a foundation workshop in Dunedin on Monday where carers can learn coping skills and gain understanding with people in the same situation.

Community stroke adviser Kathy Clarke said the role of a family carer could be all-consuming and isolating.

Often, others could not understand "invisible" challenges such as fatigue, visual changes, cognitive and behavioural changes impacting on personality and communication problems, she said.

"[The carer] role often goes unnoticed, and there is limited understanding and appreciation of it."

Mrs Fox has been with her husband, Russell (70), since they were teenagers.

Several strokes have left him with serious aphasia, limiting his language to "yes" and "no", as well as an occasional curse word when he is feeling passionate, Mrs Fox said.

It had not been an easy journey.

He had had "massive" seizures and nearly died.

"He really has got nine lives and he has used at least four."

But it was important to let him live again, despite being scared to leave him alone, she said.

Mr Fox found joy in their garden, going on bus journeys and using their ride-on lawnmower.

"I treasure every single day. We all should," she said.

Mrs McNaught was given Mrs Fox’s number after her husband, Colin (80), became paralysed on one side of his body following a stroke 15 months ago.

"He collapsed at the [St Clair] golf course.

"He was lying there probably an hour and a-half and it was the coldest day of the year."

He had six weeks in hospital, but then Mrs McNaught was told he would not return home and needed to go into residential care.

Mrs McNaught visits him every day and takes him home for short visits.

But his wish was to get back home permanently and that was what they would aim for, she said.

"I will never give up hope, and he won’t give up either."

She said the foundation’s support groups and coffee catch-ups with Mrs Fox had been very helpful and made her feel "less alone".

The pair said it had been a different journey since their friendship began.

molly.houseman@odt.co.nz

 

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