WARNING: This story contains content that may be disturbing to some readers.

When a woman's ex-partner stood outside the Family Court courtroom during proceedings, staring at her through a door window, the woman gasped, curled into a foetal position and tried to move as far away from his sight as possible.

The moment followed years of volatile behaviour, false allegations and intimidation of professionals.

A judge later described the man's conduct as "uninhibited, dysregulated, and at times, frankly abusive", both inside and outside the courtroom.

With no agency willing to supervise him and a pattern of behaviour that placed his children and former partner at ongoing risk, the court has now made the rare decision that his children have no contact with him.

The decision was released in a Family Court ruling by Judge Stephen Coyle, bringing eight years of litigation to an end. The family has automatic name suppression.

The court heard the relationship ended after a family barbecue when the man argued with others before leaving with his partner and children in the car.

During the journey home, he drove at 120km/h and the mother told the court she feared for their lives.

The incident was recorded and played to the judge, who noted it was "a distressing incident to watch".

The man was heard saying, "You know what I'm f***ing capable of, I'll go for your dad's f***ing throat",** and telling everyone to shut up when asked to stop.

When they got home, the woman said he did a doughnut in the driveway and drove at speed towards the carport before abruptly stopping.

He took the woman's phone and, as she was crying, she said he licked her tears and said: "Hmmm, I love the way they taste."

The woman later applied for a temporary protection order (TPO) and an interim parenting order with supervised access, which were granted. But the TPO was not made final and was discharged a year later.

Months later, unsupervised access was granted to the father but, in 2022, he alleged his children were being sexually abused and did not return them.

The woman applied for a warrant to enforce the parenting order and the children were returned to her care.

Oranga Tamariki (OT) investigated the allegations and found no evidence of abuse, but the father continued raising his concerns with authorities.

In December 2022, the father took one of the children to an emergency department alleging she had suffered a head injury, but staff became concerned about his behaviour.

He reportedly yelled at a nurse, telling her to "f*** off", and a report of concern was made to OT.

OT visited the father days later and reported he was agitated and unable to hold a direct line of conversation. The social workers became frightened by his presentation and left.

He again refused to return the children and the mother had to file another application for a warrant, which was granted.

The same day, the man had taken the girls to a police station to report the allegations of abuse.

Unbeknownst to him, the warrant had been issued for the children to be uplifted, and police executed it at the station.

"This was not a straightforward process. [The father] was understandably upset that the warrant had been granted given his belief that the girls were at risk in their mother's care," Judge Coyle said in the decision.

"He had to be arrested by the police and removed so that [the children] could be returned to their mother's care."

After being released, he turned up to an OT office and when staff became afraid, he was removed and a trespass order was issued.

He then called 111 and claimed his children had been taken.

School concerns

According to the decision, the children's school gave evidence to the Family Court that it became concerned about the father's behaviour, particularly when he turned up to a "funky fun day" event and took photos of children and staff.

He then posted the photos online with derogatory comments and the school implemented a lockdown policy if he was sighted near the school.

The mother was granted another interim protection order, which became final when the man did not file any opposition.

She was also granted a further variation of the parenting order, reinstating supervised access for the father.

But supervised contact could not proceed because the provider terminated its contract due to his behaviour.

He then filed an application seeking day-to-day care and the discharge of the parenting order, which proceeded to a hearing.

Several delays occurred before the eight-day hearing, including the father failing to file evidence and two assigned senior lawyers withdrawing from acting for him.

Lawyer Michael Roots was eventually assigned and Judge Coyle commended his role.

"My observation was that Mr Roots showed enormous forbearance in the face of, at times, rude and belligerent attacks by [the father]."

Court behaviour

The judge found that during the cross-examination of the mother, the father used the process to psychologically abuse her.

For days, the man routinely interrupted the judge and would loudly interrupt his lawyer with questions he wanted asked of the woman.

"During the last session of the first day of the hearing I had to ask [the father] to leave the courtroom as his behaviour in court had become untenable," the decision said.

"He did so, but then stood at the door peering into the courtroom through the window and was staring directly at [the mother] and in doing so he was breaching the protection order.

"When she saw him [as the screen used did not shield her from that view] she instantly gasped, scooted in her chair as far away as she could in the witness box, curled up into the foetal position on the chair, and stated, 'He's staring, I mean he's just right there in the doorway'."

The judge described her distress as instinctive and visceral.

At the hearing, the father claimed he was the victim of family violence at the hands of the woman, but the judge ruled he had no evidence to support the allegations.

Judge Coyle said that when questioned about the barbecue incident, the man claimed his ex-partner was drunk and that he had been acting in self-defence.

"His evidence was chilling in his attempt to blame her. The video speaks for itself," the judge said.

"His language towards her was abusive and dismissive, he essentially tried to shut her down so that she had no voice or agency in her distress. It was behaviour designed to belittle, antagonise, frighten, demean and diminish [the mother].

"There is no evidence that [the mother] was drunk as asserted by [the father]. He is simply making that up in an attempt to victim-blame."

Intimidating professionals

The court also heard evidence that Family Court staff had been reduced to tears by the man's behaviour, particularly a senior Family Court practitioner.

"There are patterns in relation to [the father's] interactions with virtually every person or agency he has come into contact with which have caused people to be concerned for their physical and/or psychological safety.

"My assessment therefore is that there is an extremely high risk of future family harm to [the mother] in particular if the protection order was discharged."

The judge directed the protection order be made final and made a rare order granting sole care of the children to the mother with no contact for the father.

"His behaviour in court, at a time in which [the father] should have been on his best behaviour while the gaze of the court was on him, was uninhibited, dysregulated, and at times, frankly abusive and intimidating," Judge Coyle said.

"In order to protect [the children], there could only be supervised contact with [the father]. But there is no agency willing to supervise [his] contact with these girls.

"I therefore have determined that an order should be made that [the children] are to have no contact with [the father]."

The judge also ruled the man's behaviour amounted to litigant abuse and ordered that he not file any new proceedings against his ex-partner for three years.

Where to get help:

  • Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737 any time to speak to a trained counsellor, for any reason.
  • Lifeline: 0800 543 354 or text HELP to 4357.
  • Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 / 0508 TAUTOKO. This is a service for people who may be thinking about suicide, or those who are concerned about family or friends.
  • Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 or text 4202.
  • Samaritans: 0800 726 666.
  • Youthline: 0800 376 633 or text 234 or email talk@youthline.co.nz.
  • What's Up: 0800 WHATSUP / 0800 9428 787. This is free counselling for 5 to 19-year-olds.
  • Asian Family Services: 0800 862 342 or text 832. Languages spoken: Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai, Japanese, Hindi, Gujarati, Marathi, and English.
  • Rural Support Trust Helpline: 0800 787 254.
  • Healthline: 0800 611 116.
  • Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155.
  • OUTLine: 0800 688 5463.

If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.

Sexual Violence

Family Violence