I started refereeing because, like many others who pick up the whistle, I was never much good at playing rugby.
What I did discover, though, was a real appreciation for the role officials play in keeping community sport alive.
The one constant has never been the scorelines or the weather.
It has been the behaviour coming from the sidelines.
Referee abuse has crept into too many junior and club sport environments and it is something we should no longer be prepared to accept, especially when children are involved.
Across the South, around New Zealand and even in some countries overseas where I have been fortunate enough to referee in some pretty special places, I have seen the same pattern repeat itself.
The vast majority of people are respectful, but it only takes one or two voices to change the tone of an entire game.
You never see a referee yelling at a player for making a mistake.
You never see a referee turn to the sideline and start abusing a parent because their child dropped the ball or missed a tackle. That would be completely unacceptable.
So why do we still tolerate the reverse happening on so many sports fields throughout our region?
Most referees give up their time voluntarily. Many do not get paid a cent. They are taking time away from their own families, their friends and their work.
They turn up because they care about the game and their community.
Without them, there is no kickoff, no competition and no pathway for young players to even get on the field.
The reality is that most of our local competitions are not elite test matches. They are community sport.
They are about participation, development and enjoyment.
People need to keep a sense of perspective.
If your child is playing in the U14C grade competition in Dunedin, the chances of them becoming an All Black are, bluntly, extremely small.
That does not make the game unimportant. It absolutely matters. But the result should never outweigh the experience for the children involved.
In fact, the worst abuse I see, almost without fail, is in age-group rugby. That should be the biggest red flag of all.
When adults are losing their temper at children’s sport, it says far more about the sideline than it ever does about the referee.
Parents in particular sometimes need to take a breath and have a look in the mirror.
Another form of pressure comes from within the game itself. When a captain loses their temper, often because their team is falling behind, the frustration can get directed at the referee.
Once that tone is set, it rarely stays with one player. Discipline slips, team-mates follow and before long the sideline joins in.
One person’s frustration can quickly turn into a pile-on.
I have also seen the opposite, and it is powerful. In one match a few years back a captain pulled his players in after a penalty count started mounting and told them to leave the referee alone and fix their own mistakes.
The tone of the game changed almost immediately.
The chatter stopped, the sideline settled and the match finished as a good contest. Leadership on the field matters.
When adults lose their temper, it is not the referee who suffers most. It is the young players watching.
Children notice everything.
If they see shouting and blaming officials, they learn that this is how sport works. If they see respect and calm, they learn something far more valuable.
Across many sports there is already a shortage of referees and umpires. Young officials in particular walk away because it is simply not worth the grief.
That means fewer games covered and ultimately fewer opportunities for children to play. That is a lose-lose for the whole community.
This is not about removing passion from the game.
Sport should be emotional and it should mean something.
But there is a clear line between supporting your team and abusing an official.
Most clubs talk about values such as respect, teamwork and integrity. Those values should not stop at the white line.
Referees are not perfect. They will make mistakes, just like players and coaches do every week. That is part of sport. But they are also essential to it.
If we genuinely care about the future of community sport across Otago and Southland, then we need to draw a line. Sideline abuse is not passion, it is damage.
If we want children to keep turning up, enjoying their sport and learning the right lessons, then the adults need to set the example first.
• Hamish Walker is a former National MP and director-salesman of Walker & Co Realty, Queenstown.
