Group prepares parents for teens

Pointers for parents: Kahu Youth worker Tarn Felton (left) is the facilitator for parenting group Teen Toolbox in Wanaka, which will start up again next month. She is pictured with Kahu Youth trustee and Wanaka ‘‘surrogate grandma’’ Kate Bariletti, who was the first grandmother to join the Teen Toolbox group in Wanaka.

Several Teen Toolbox groups have been run in Wanaka in recent years, but the one set to start next month will be the first for 2008.

The programme comprises six, two-hour workshops one night a week and covers teenage issues from boundaries and communication to discipline and self-esteem.

‘‘I have a child that's grown up now and it would have been great to have this [course] . . . in hindsight. It's got really good stuff,'' Miss Felton said.
‘‘It's practical, relevant and innovative . . . and it really encourages networking between our parents.''

She said the Wanaka community had the capacity to develop a shared parenting approach, where parents established a network through their children. Communication among parents was key, particularly in keeping up with what teenagers were up to - positive or negative.
‘‘The very biggest potential in this community, because we're so small, is to be that whanau for the children.''

She urged anyone who worked with teenagers to consider joining the group. Teachers could benefit by finding out what children were doing beyond the classroom.
Grandparents and parents of pre-teens could also benefit.
‘‘If you start at 11, you've got an inroad, because you remember what they're like before entering that period.''

The teenage years between ages 13 and 16 make up ‘‘that period'', a particularly tough one in Miss Felton's mind.
‘‘It's three years of them getting under your skin and pushing your buttons.
‘‘But we have to learn not to take it personally when they give us grief. It's just them saying ‘Where's my boundary?' ''

Kate Bariletti, affectionately known as ‘‘Grandma Kate'' in Wanaka, hails originally from the United States and now acts as a surrogate grandmother to countless children in the community. She is a trustee of Kahu Youth and was the first grandmother in Wanaka to join a Teen Toolbox group. She found the experience invaluable.

‘‘I needed to find out the culture of teens in Wanaka because my experience of teens wasn't Kiwi,'' Ms Bariletti said.
‘‘I needed to hang out with parents and hear what their kids were doing and talk about what the issues and the specific challenges were for Wanaka youth.''

She said Teen Toolbox helped parents not only learn strategies for raising teens, but helped them understand their children were ‘‘not that much different from everybody else's''.
Miss Felton directs the content of each workshop with the aid of a manual and DVD, but said the value arose from participants ‘‘branching off'' and discussing their own experiences.

‘‘[Often] you can connect back to yourself as a kid.''
- Teen Toolbox runs from August 4 to September 8. The fee is $45, but if cost is a barrier, contact Tarn Felton on 443-5880. Wanaka counsellor Liz Maluschnig facilitates the Toolbox groups for children aged 0-5 and 6-12 years. Inquiries can be directed to her on 443-1955.