I'm talking real live policepeople. Outside Hawea Flat school. Yep. Hawea Flat.
Population a few more than a few hundred. That's all. I used to like it as a kid when the local bobby came to school.
We'd be allowed to play in the car. Memorably, when we were teenagers, he lugged a locked case full of illegal substances along to the local youth club, and explained what they were and why not to inhale or ingest them. Demystification. It's a powerful deterrent.
But the Hawea Flat policeperson doesn't come and play fingerprinting games with the kids, or help them safely across the road.
Nope, he prefers to sit behind the wheel until someone rolls through the stop sign, speeds up slightly sharply from the 50 to the 70 zone or, shock horror, rides their bike with their kids along the flat track to school at about 2kmh with no helmet on.
Then he flashes his lights, doles out a fine and repeats this until there's no more driving action around school.
Yes, I know. They're all technically illegal actions that errant parents are stopped for, but what the police gain in traffic quota in this area, they are losing massively in terms of community goodwill.
Alternatively, they could always hand out community service - cycling workshops, road patrolling, litterpicking - instead of financial knuckle-raps.
If these transgressions were a serious community issue, wouldn't there be better parental buy-in if the message came from the police, through the school, to the kids and back home? And if it's not a serious issue, why are they there?
According to the New Zealand Police website, "Higher visibility on the roads gives the public a sense of confidence that police are not only out there, but are taking an active interest in their safety."
I'm picking they didn't survey local residents before coming to that assumption in this area. In my own conversations with Haweans and Wanakans, not one person was impressed with the opportunistic revenue-gathering approach that is taking the place of real community policing.
There were plenty of reminiscences about the good old days. The local cop who was also the after-hours hen-party stripper. The nice policeman who came to the pub on a Friday night for a lemonade and to collect the car keys of those who'd drunk too much to drive home.
Policepeople on foot, on horses, on bikes. These are not just rosy-tinted stereotypes but the relic of a more co-operative approach.
I read humbling accounts of police perseverance in Search and Rescue missions. I'm sure there are many unsung moments of positive police intervention.
But where's the community face? According, again, to the police website, there are around 1000 community policepeople in this country. (Hmm. Wonder how many traffic cops there are?) Some neat ideas are showcased. Adopt-a-cop for a school, or weekly drop-in clinics at the library for small-town informal advice.
My kids aren't quite sure whether to cheer for or fear the constabulary. A couple of years ago, we were having an icecream break with the kids in Twizel and actually saw a policeman on foot. Being curious and full of the cold sugary stuff, my kids ran over to meet him.
A real policeman! What are you doing, Mr Policeman?! Where's your flashing light?! They got the cold shoulder and I got the third degree. I swear I saw him write down my licence plate number as I drove off a while later, too.
I swear. I swore. As people frequently do when they see the glimpse of yellow and blue again outside the car park.
Our children must be absorbing our frustration and disrespect and there is no chance for the police to redress this if they continue to sit only at the school gates.
A press release on August 16 from the police stated that "An intention to create a shared space for both police and the community is one of the key drivers in planning for Wanaka's new police station."
If that's the case, may I also respectfully suggest that the other key drivers get out of their cars and into the community.
Please.
• Liz Breslin is a Hawea Flat writer.
