Presidential library is a coup for small Otago township

President Trump’s advisers, fearing a backlash during the mid-term elections, have urged him to scale back his gargantuan and ostentatious presidential library in Florida and that’s good news for the tiny Central Otago township of Patearoa.

Trump wants a tower of at least 47 floors (he is the 47th president) with space for a hotel, offices, high-end apartments and room on the ground floor for the Boeing 747-8 luxury jetliner that he accepted from Qatar, but this last item is seen as particularly inappropriate as America enters a season of austerity caused by Trump’s horrendous mismanagement of Middle East affairs.

Although there is no mention of books or shelves and no concrete evidence that President Trump has actually ever read a book, his bibliography lists about 40 books in which he is credited as the writer, although in almost every case he appears to have employed ghost writers.

The books include Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again, The Best Golf Advice I Ever Received, The America We Deserve and Think Big and Kick Ass.

It’s believed gold-plated shelving will house these presidential literary efforts.

‘‘None of these books would be suitable for the Patearoa Library,’’ said the Patearoa chief librarian, requesting anonymity for fear of being assassinated by the CIA, ‘‘but Trump will want them in his presidential library.’’

Many American politicians, including prominent Republicans, have been unhappy with other aspects of the early design which feature a palm-tree-lined courtyard, replicas of the Oval Office and Rose Garden and a gilded ballroom.

Especially unsettling is the gold statue of Trump raising his fist in the air as he did after surviving an assassination attempt in 2024.

There is general agreement that a much more modest building should be built and there’s a strong recommendation that, based on the American voters’ growing distaste for Trump, the library should be erected as far as possible from his stamping grounds of Florida and Washington.

The cost of the Trump Presidential Library is estimated to be between $US300million and $US900m ($NZ515.5m-$NZ1.54billion). Figures which are said to appal America’s existing libraries struggling to survive after the President’s Executive Order to reduce the funding of the federal Institute of Museum and Library Services.

The Department of Government Efficiency has already cut existing grants. In a word, the American reaction to Trump’s library plan is a loud, ‘‘No!’’

There is also a growing fear that as Trump makes more enemies a prominent Trump building on American soil would become an easy target for drones and missiles from, say, Canada, Mexico, Venezuela, Cuba and perhaps many other countries — even Greenland.

And that’s where Patearoa, being outside missile range, comes into White House thinking.

In an exclusive interview for this paper Patearoa’s chief librarian told of an approach from Wilbur B Maddingly of the Donald J Trump Presidential Library Foundation setting out the president’s wishes.

She showed us the letter from Washington.

‘‘Hey, Library Person, we’re here to make you great with the Donald J Trump Presidential Library. Your county council tells us 47 stories is not on. Maybe they’ve already been bombed into the stone age.

‘‘But what about it? You guys could build something a bit smaller and make BIG MONEY with this baby. Build it and send us the bill? It looks like $US3million is our top offer. We’ll supply all gold plating and the military items the President wants to include. There are no books involved apart from some of the President’s own works, bound in the skins of various foreign animals.

‘‘Get back soon. Thank you for your attention to this matter.Wilbur B Maddingly.’’

Our librarian responded:

‘‘Thank you. We hold no books by President Trump in our library but one written by his niece, psychologist Mary Trump, called Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man, which explains his troubling behaviour and the dysfunctional environment that nurtured it has been borrowed frequently during the last two years. We are happy to accept your offer and the Cromwell Menzshed have donated a suitable building at no cost. There is room in it for copies of about 20 of Mr. Trump’s books.’’

‘‘You’re crazy,’’ I told the chief librarian. ‘‘All sorts of loonies will descend on Patearoa to see this weird egomaniac’s library.’’

‘‘Of course. Within a week one of them will have stolen it and that, thankfully, is the last we will hear about this damned presidential library.’’

•  Jim Sullivan is a Patearoa writer.