Monday, December 3, 2018. That was the day Jason Herrick decided to take his life.
Months of heavy rain, pressures of life, negative sentiment towards farming and an inability to share his feelings left him at breaking point.
"It had been building up for quite some time," Mr Herrick said, who is now Southland Federated Farmers president.
"It started all the way back with the earthquakes in Canterbury, which were just devastating to live through as a family.
"I lost some good mates to suicide in that time, and then my wife had some serious health challenges, and I never really knew how to deal with any of it.
"We moved to a sharemilking position in Southland and that’s when I got so overwhelmed."
Speaking to Federated Farmers NZ, Mr Herrick said constantly hearing negative comments about farming was weighing heavily on him.
"That public perception against farming — you see it in the news and on social media
... I just broke because I couldn’t handle people perceiving me in that light."
He finally snapped on that day in December, driving to cliffs on the southern coast to end his life.
"I honestly didn’t think there was a way out [or] ... a way forward. I was ready to end it."
Looking back, he was incredibly grateful a police officer found him after being alerted by his worried wife.
He was escorted to a mental health facility, which was the start of a long, hard road ahead.
"My parents did a beautiful job of bringing me up, but I was raised as a southern man, taught to harden up, not show emotions, not show any sign of weakness.
"I slowly had to learn how to talk about what was going on in my head."
He found a counsellor, learned strategies to cope with pressure and gradually rediscovered his love of farming.
He now spent a lot of time listening to motivational podcasts and talked to friends and family about how he was feeling.
A turning point was when he and some friends founded the mental health support group Ag Proud NZ, to help other farmers through tough times.
"Putting myself out there to help other people has given me so many rewards.
"Every time somebody reaches out to me and every time somebody tells me I’ve helped them, it’s a win that makes me feel good."
Six years later, his mental health was in "A1 condition", Mr Herrick said.
"Don’t get me wrong — I still have some tough days, but I now have tools to get through them."
He wanted to help bring a shift in rural communities and farming families, making it more acceptable for people to share their mental health battles.
"We need to show our young ones it’s OK to talk, it’s OK to show emotion and it’s OK to reach out and ask for help."
Mr Herrick has a message to any farmers in a similar place to where he was in 2018.
"Reach out to somebody, and if you don’t have anyone you think you can trust, dial 1737. There are plenty of people on that phone number who will help you.
"Rural Support Trust is also an absolutely phenomenal organisation. They’ve got access to so many resources.
"And, if all else fails, reach out to me," he said.
"You’re not the only one in this situation, and that’s sometimes the hardest thing to get over ... recognising you’re not the only one."
— Mr Herrick spoke to Federated Farmers Southland.
Help available
Southland Rural Support Trust: 0800 787-254
Need to talk? 1737, free 24/7 phone and text number
Healthline: 0800 611-116
Lifeline Aotearoa: 0800 543-354
Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828-865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
Samaritans: 0800 726-666
Alcohol Drug Helpline: 0800 787-797
General mental health inquiries: 0800 443-366
The Depression Helpline: 0800 111-757