The exodus
PANIC.
CRISIS.
As Reverend Lovejoy famously said on The Simpsons when the comet was about to hit: It's all over, people. We don't have a prayer!
Look, everybody needs to just calm down a bit.
Some rugby players are going overseas to earn more money. On the scale of 1 to Campbell Live being replaced by a cooking show, it's about a 3.
New Zealand rugby will not collapse. The All Blacks will not turn into Wales. And the Crusaders (God willing, because how sad it will be if they struggle) will find someone to wear the No 10 jersey.
Good for you, Colin Slade. Professional rugby is a brutal business and you are wise to cash in while the going is good.
Everyone else needs to chill out. A fourth-string All Black first five with barely a handful of convincing test appearances to his name is going. Big deal.
The ''flood'' of New Zealand rugby players bolting overseas to earn more money does not concern me one iota.
This is just like rugby's version of a farming burn-off. It's time for regeneration.
Yes, the All Blacks will look quite different next year without Conrad Smith, Ma'a Nonu, Dan Carter and Richie McCaw.
But you can't wear the jersey forever. Time to get excited about seeing what some new players can do.
Remembering . . .
Thanks to Clyde reader Ray Goodall for drawing our attention to the time the illustrious Richie Benaud played in New Zealand.
Benaud, who died last week and left a hole in the commentary box that can never be filled, was part of an Australian XI that toured here in 1957.
He actually played at Carisbrook, scoring 26 and taking four wickets as Otago was humbled by an innings, and also in Timaru, where the Australians beat a combined Ashburton County-South Canterbury-North Otago team inside a day.
. . . the great man
The Independent newspaper also revisited the story of how Benaud credited a Timaru chemist with saving his career.
Benaud, who had contracted dengue fever in India the previous year, had called on a bloke called Ivan James during the New Zealand tour to get some sulphanilamide, to stop him blacking out, the newspaper reported.
''James noticed bloody lacerations on Benaud's fingers; Benaud explained he was a spin bowler, and these cuts were ruining his career.
''At which point James, who had treated many ex-servicemen for ulcers caused by gassing, suggested he tried something called Oily Calamine lotion. This Benaud duly did, perfecting the art of healing and protecting the spinning fingers that would bring him to greatness.''
A star is born
Jordan Spieth!
Actually, make that Jordan Spiiieeeetthh!!!
What a player. What an exciting young talent.
His victory in the Masters was more than just a phenomenal performance by the most exciting youngster in world sport.
It marked the end of the Tiger Woods era, and the beginning of what should hopefully be a long and exciting rivalry between Spieth, Rory McIlroy and some of the other young guns on the PGA Tour.
Shooting shakes
It would be unfair to point the finger at Jhaniele Fowler-Reid for the Southern Steel's moderately disappointing start to the season.
But there is a definite sense the Jamaican sensation is not on top of her game just yet.
Fowler-Reid is still landing 86.4% of her attempts at goal, which is a very decent rate, but that is well down on her previous marks of 93.8% (2014) and 93.9% (2013).
In recent weeks - and you need to forget the walkover against the Tactix - she posted rates of 80% and 79% in losses to the Magic and Mystics respectively.
It's a bit like blaming the hooker for everything that goes wrong in a rugby lineout, of course. Netball shooters are often only as good as their midcourters.
That said, the Steel really needs the imperious goal shoot to get back to her other-worldly best if it is to make the playoffs.
Rule change needed
The first thing I want to say about Otago footballer Tom Jackson playing for Wellington in the Oceania Champions League is this.
What a great opportunity for one of the absolute stars of southern football. He's getting to play with a good team in a decent competition, and - assuming he does not get poached permanently - this cameo can only be a good thing.
The second thing is this.
What an absolute farce.
It is just wrong that a team like Wellington can qualify for the event with one team and then whistle in players from Southern, Hawkes Bay and Waitakere with seemingly no restrictions at all.
Grassroots passion
A plug this week for John Caswell, a Dunedin teacher who is gaining a reputation for his cracking club rugby photos.
John, who kindly lets the ODT website use some of his pics and also gives us some for our country rugby page, has been a keen photographer since he was in shorts.
His particular joy is to spend time on the sidelines of various club grounds - and that passion comes through in his shots.
The first quote
''We'd all like to see the biff come back - everyone loves a bit of a stoush. But we are an extension of society ...
and there's been a lot of young people killed from single punches, one punches. We have to lead the way there, so I think the NRL has done exactly the right thing by banning punching.''
- Melbourne Storm coach Craig Bellamy is in favour of less fighting in rugby league. I think.
The second quote
''The pre-sale demand was extraordinary - like an AC/DC concert - with thousands trying to buy tickets at once.''
- Trusts Arena chief executive Brian Blake is looking forward to patrons at the Auckland Darts Masters being shaken all night long. Sorry.
Triumph
This could also belong in the ''Disaster'' column.
Workers have cleared up another five TONNES of dead fish from the shores of a Rio lagoon where Olympic rowing and canoeing events are due to take place in 2016, Reuters reports.
In total, 37 tonnes of dead fish have been removed in a week.
Disaster
A chess grandmaster was thrown out of an international tournament and faces a 15-year ban after he was caught sneaking to the toilet to check moves on his mobile phone.
Gaioz Nigalidze, the current Georgian champion, was expelled from the Dubai Open Chess tournament when he was found using his phone in the middle of a match, the Daily Mail reported.
