Some questions . . .
One of the problems of writing a Saturday newspaper column is the difficulty in commenting on Friday night sports events.
I could, had the inclination taken me, have worked late shifts on all these Fridays - and seriously, how many have there been? - to pass more immediate judgement on the Highlanders' slide into oblivion.
But, thankfully, I have had better things to do.
Now things are getting back to, er, normal. (By which I mean they are playing on a Saturday. That was not a reference to the Highlanders being the worst team in the competition.)
... regarding...
So, some questions The Last Word is throwing out there in the middle of this bizarre season of discontent. -
1. Isn't it scary how quickly the Highlanders become irrelevant north of the Waitaki? And, if we're honest, among the casual rugby followers within the region?
2. Though, if you're a coach, it's got to be good to be this far south, right? Would Pat Lam have survived if he was coaching the Highlanders, not the Blues?
3. What sort of crowds would the Highlanders be pulling if they were still playing at that glorious old dump in South Dunedin? About 4000?
4. How frustrated will DVML be that the Glasshouse's No 1 team has lost 10 straight?
5. Do you think it's unfair to say the Highlanders have lost 10 straight, not just seven to start this season? I'll take this one: no, it's not. The poor old Nuggets never hear the end of their infamous 33-game losing streak across multiple seasons, and they played with a bunch of kids. This is a 10-game losing streak. With a team crammed with All Blacks.
6. Can you imagine if the Black Caps lost Brendon McCullum, the Silver Ferns lost Irene van Dyk, Hamish Bond lost Eric Murray, the Avengers lost Iron Man, and Game of Thrones lost Tyrion Lannister? Would all those losses combined roughly equate to the hole Adam Thomson left in the Highlanders?
7. Where exactly will the Highlanders get a win from here?
8. In Christchurch? In Africa? Against the Sharks?
9. How high can the Highlanders realistically finish now? Eleventh? Twelfth?
... the Highlanders
10. If they do finish with the wooden spoon, won't it be annoying there is no draft so the Highlanders can have the No 1 pick?
11. Is it really fair that the Highlanders could finish last, and face zero repercussions, and the Lions/Kings could finish 10th/11th and face a relegation game within their own country?
12. What is the Highlanders' wage bill? How much has been spent on assembling this misfit team?
13. Can it be true that ''spirits are good'' and ''morale is high''? Really? After 10 straight losses?
14. Jake Paringatai? Joe Wheeler?
15. Apart from Ben Smith, is there one Highlander who makes an All Black squad if it is named tomorrow?
16. How is it possible that so many players of class (Hore, Woodcock, A. Smith, Slade, Nonu) have been mediocre, bordering on poor?
17. Did the horrific events at the Boston marathon this week provide yet another reminder that what happens on the field, or on the streets of one of the great American cities, is indeed just a game?
18. Of course they did. Keep that in mind when you ask: is this destined to be the worst season in the history of the Highlanders franchise?
Halbergian theory
Interesting comments from Breakers veteran Dillon Boucher, soon after his team sealed the threepeat, regarding the Halberg Awards.
It was time, Boucher opined, the remarkable basketball team's achievements were recognised with a gong.
There are two problems with that statement.
The first is that the Breakers' wonderful efforts speak for themselves. They don't need to be validated by a postal ballot conducted by assorted retired athletes, reality show hosts and members of the dreaded media.
The second is that we are not even in May. Many sports events are to come this year.
What if the Black Caps sweep England 2-0 in the test series over there, and win the Champions Trophy, or the Otago Volts win the Champions League?
What if the Chiefs go back-to-back in Super rugby, or the Highlanders stage the unlikeliest comeback of all time, sneak into the top six and then claim their first title?
What if the Kiwis retain the (admittedly, oxymoronically named) Rugby League World Cup.
What if something truly, astonishingly bizarre happens like golfer Mark Brown winning the British Open, or Marina Erakovic winning Wimbledon?
Identity crisis
Here's what I think about Otago United's plan to change its name before the next national league football season: It stinks.
It's pointless, it's misguided, it's lame and it's a waste of time, energy and, presumably, money that could all be better used elsewhere.
A ''rebranding'' always makes me shudder. In this case, when a local team is willingly discarding ''Otago'' from its name, I am equal parts sad and angry.
''Otago'' means something. It has an identity, a history.
''Footballsouth'', which presumably will form part of the new name, is a line drawn on a map by an administrator.
I accept that Otago United represents more than just Otago, but it is an Otago-based team, that plays virtually all its home games in Dunedin, that is dominated by Otago players.
We're hurtling towards a sporting future that has the Footballsouth Wanderers (or Rovers, or Grasshoppers) and the Razorbacks and the Volts and the Steel and the Oceana Gold Nuggets and the Southern Storm, and barely a team left proud to call itself Otago.
The lady Caviar
It is rare indeed that The Last Word gets whipped into a state of equine excitement.
He was too young for Kiwi's heroics, too oblivious to embrace Bonecrusher fever, and too distracted by his job to realise this Sunline mare was rather special.
But how about that Black Caviar? Oh my. What a horse. As exciting as anything in world sport.
Her retirement was sad news for this part-time racing fan.
Birthday of the week
Young Tom Morris would have been 162 today.
The great golfer, who won four consecutive British Opens, died young (24). He and the old man feature in a cracking book, Tommy's Honor.
