In every situation, how you react is up to you.
In my last column I wrote about getting used to the idea that not everyone will like us, we certainly won't like everyone around us and that's OK.
We won't like others for lots of reasons, that's OK too, but I often find myself shaking my head when I hear people say things like ''I can't stand them, they really make me angry'' or ''what you did made me scream at you'', or ''you cut me off at that intersection so you deserve a good thumping'', etc.
Why do I shake my head when I hear that?
It's simple really, it's because when we say something like that we're not taking responsibility for ourselves.
We're not taking responsibility for our own behaviour and actions. We're blaming someone else for ''making'' us respond or behave in a certain way, usually negatively.
By blaming someone else for ''making'' us lash out, insult someone, swear, be rude, give someone the fingers, whatever our response is, we are justifying our own behaviour.
It's the same as saying ''it's OK for me to do that because I didn't really cause it, you made me do it!''
If the boot were on the other foot and someone thumped you, swore at you or whatever, I'm fairly sure you'd be unimpressed with their excuse that you'd just made them do it!
Justifying our own bad behaviour by blaming others for causing it is just making an excuse for ourselves!
It's time to take responsibility for ourselves and take a good look at our attitudes.
Our attitude towards people, situations and life in general is a choice.
Many years ago I was sent a story about a guy who was always positive and his comments on attitude have always stuck with me.
Here's an excerpt from the story:
''Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood.
I choose to be in a good mood.
Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or ... I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or ... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.
'Yeah, right, it's not that easy,' I protested.
'Yes, it is,' he said. `Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.
'You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life'.''
The truth is: our attitude is a choice.
No-one ''makes'' us react or feel a particular way.
If we find ourselves behaving badly then it's time to have a serious chat with ourselves and ask why.
Every day we face thousands of choices, when to get up, when to go to bed, what to wear, what to eat, how to get to work - car, bus, bike or walk - what we read, what we eat, what we think, what we do.
We are responsible for the choices we make, including our attitude and how to deal with tough situations or disagreeable people.
If we don't take responsibility for our choices then our lives get stuck in a cycle where everyone and everything else is blamed for what we do or don't have, do or don't achieve.
If we live like this we give control of our lives over to others.
I know I'd rather be making decisions about my life than leaving it up to others!
Who do you want to be in control of your life?
• Jan Aitken is a Dunedin-based life coach. For more go to www.fitforlifecoaches.co.nz
