Lessons in loss

James Arscott walks along a Timaru beach with his family, (from left), Michael and Kate, a...
James Arscott walks along a Timaru beach with his family, (from left), Michael and Kate, a fortnight before his father died. Photo: Supplied

At just 18, he is a bright young rugby talent. But he has had to battle a terrible year to get there. James Arscott talks to Bruce Munro about the grief of his father's sudden death and how he is using it to spur himself on. 

A young man in a school blazer festooned with sporting and academic accolades strides forward extending a hand, a greeting, a quiet smile.

It brings to mind an earlier image of this same teenager; a photograph of him walking a stony beach with family. The same muscular build and good looks, the same slightly distant look in his eye.

Something, however, is different.  Perhaps it is a new tightness around the jaw. Maybe extra depth behind the eyes. There is less of the carefree boy, more of the layered man.

Eleven months can change everything. Even now, there is still a lot of change for James Arscott.

Still in his final year of secondary schooling, he is about to embark on the first, significant step towards a professional rugby career.

The Otago Boys High School 1st XV half back is trying to stay focused on important, end-of-year exams. It is not easy when you have been awarded a Provincial Union Development (PUD) Contract, the starting point for a hoped-for ascension in the footsteps of his rugby hero, All Black half back, Aaron Smith.

But all that could have so easily, so understandably, come to nothing.

This was supposed to be James' big year. The aim was to hit several sporting and academic goals that would open doors and set the stage for the next several years.

But on January 26, James' father, Michael - his mentor and staunchest supporter - died, suddenly.

What would happen next, how James would react in the middle of that grief, what it would mean for his goals and aspirations, was far from certain.

From the start, rugby had been an important part of James' life.

He was born in Timaru, in July, 2000, the youngest in a tight-knit family of four - his mum, a nurse, Felicity; his father, car dealer, Michael; his big sister, three years older, Kate; and, him.

Dad had played in the 1st XV for Christchurch Boys High School and St Kevin's College, Timaru.

James joined Timaru Celtic Rugby Football Club at the age of 4.

"I always loved the game. I pretty much lived for it," he explains.

By the age of 11, he and Dad were going to the local park every day after school "to throw 50 passes on each hand".

The camaraderie and the competitive nature of rugby suited James. So, too, did the vital role of half back.

"I love passing - when it's coming off nicely and you get it just right.

"You need a strong, accurate pass ... and a strong kicking game.

"You control the tempo of the game."

Rugby was on the family TV every Friday and Saturday night.

There was another associated tradition too.

"At half time, Dad and I would always go out in the street and practise passes under the street lights."

James Arscott (18) says some days are tougher than others but he is using his late father's...
James Arscott (18) says some days are tougher than others but he is using his late father's encouragement in order to stay focused on his dream of a professional rugby career. Photo: Linda Robertson
After making Roncalli College's top team while still only 15, James felt he needed a change "if I was going to take my rugby further".

He knew of another young Timaru rugby player who had shifted to Dunedin. With his parents' encouragement, James gave OBHS a call.

At the start of last year, Dunedin and the school's hostel became his new home.

The transition was not easy. But, after a few months, being selected for the 1st XV gave him "an instant 25 brothers".

"That really helped me get on my feet."

The season went well for James in the half back role.

"I like to study the team we're playing. That's what OBs is really good at; we do a video analysis of the team we're playing. And then I base my game around that.

"If you're playing a bigger team, you like to speed the tempo up and run them off their feet. Or, if you're playing a skilful or fit team, you slow things down.

"I fitted in pretty well. I just did my job."

The season's best moment was defeating Christchurch Boys, in Dunedin.

"It was a really cold, wet day.

"The year before, when I was playing for Roncalli, we got smashed by them."

The school season, however, came to a slightly disappointing, premature end when the team lost the New Zealand secondary schools rugby competition's South Island semi-final to Southland Boys.

On the plus side, James made the Otago under-18 team, which beat Canterbury.

Despite the travel required, his father was there on the sideline for many of his games.

Michael wasn't one of those dads who makes a lot of noise. But "he loved watching".

"As long as I played in the spirit of the game, he was happy.

"There was one time, I was giving one of the big boys in the other team a bit of chat. After the game he said, there's no need for that.

"Now I try not to get too smart to the big boys. All nines have to be a bit chatty, but there's a time and place for it."

Going into this year, James' goals were already clearly defined.

Academically, he wanted to achieve an "excellence endorsed" across his subjects.

On the field, the hope was that the team would place in the top four nationally.

Personally, he wanted to be selected for the New Zealand secondary schools rugby squad and then crown the year with a development contract with Otago.

Life was good and looking great.

New Year's was spent with his family, enjoying a "pretty awesome" summer holiday in Wanaka.

Michael had always kept good health. While away, he started experiencing some stomach and chest pain. But not enough to stop him taking a full part in holiday activities, including swimming in the lake.

On January 9, back in Timaru, and still in some discomfort, Michael went to the doctor who ordered some blood tests.

The next day, he got an urgent call to report to the hospital for further tests.

"On the 10th, he was properly diagnosed with terminal liver cancer.

"He was given a 50/50 chance of making it to Christmas."

Sixteen days later, he died. He was 56.

"I was hoping it was going to be longer than that. That he would get to see at least a couple more rugby games. But it wasn't the case."

Michael's funeral was on what should have been James' first day back at school.

"Dad said he didn't want people to be sad. He wanted the funeral to be a celebration of his life.

"We tried to keep it as positive as possible.

"I was dreading the day."

The support of extended family and close friends made it easier.

"But it was still pretty tough.

"I was lucky because I had such a close relationship with him ... So, he already knew how much I loved him. It was bloody tough, but."

Grief, of course, has been enormous. James says he has been through the full range of emotions - denial, anger, sadness ...

Some days have been rougher than others.

"That's why rugby has been so important to me. It's been a way I can get my mind off it."

Going through this experience and not going off track, at least for a while, would be difficult for anyone.

What perhaps helped most was a few quiet words Michael had with James during that crucial, excruciating, precious fortnight.

"There was one time, when I was quite sad. He came in and said not to let it affect my goals and dreams. Not to let it get in the way of that.

"So, ever since then, I've used it as motivation to go harder ... in my schooling and my rugby."

Kate, who had been studying at the University of Canterbury, moved back in with their mum, continuing her studies by correspondence. It has given James some comfort during the year in Dunedin, knowing they are able to support each other.

The 2018 rugby season had its frustrations.

James was injured repeatedly, including being knocked unconscious early in a game against Brisbane Boys High School, at Suncorp Stadium. In total, he spent about 10 weeks on the sideline.

James Arscott breaks off the scrum with ball in hand during a match against Christ's College, of...
James Arscott breaks off the scrum with ball in hand during a match against Christ's College, of Christchurch, early in the 2018 rugby season. Photo: Geoff Guthrie
The OBHS 1st XV made the South Island final, but was narrowly beaten by Christchurch Boys, denying it that top-four placing.

James is on track with his academic goals. He has been awarded a sports performance scholarship to attend the University of Otago, where he will study business and Chinese.

He attended the secondary schools rugby squad camp and was selected for the secondary schools Barbarians team, which played a Fiji schools team and the secondary schools New Zealand Maori team.

Shortly, he will take up a two year, part-time PUD contract. The contracts include guaranteed training time with the provincial team. It is an established pathway, for those who are good enough, into the professional game.

James looks like he has what it takes, Ryan Martin says.

For the past two years, Martin was James' coach at OBHS. This year, he was appointed Otago's attack coach.

"James is what I call a core role player. Everything you expect a nine to do, he does to perfection," Martin says.

"Making that Barbarians team, he's one of the top nines in the country."

Martin has watched James change and mature, tested and refined by what has been a terrible and tough year. He has had to grow up quickly and has become more resilient in the process.

He says James' off-field work ethic is "one of the best I've seen, to be honest".

"He'll be on Littlebourne [ground] at 7am in the morning by himself passing and kicking.

"He's dedicated to being a really awesome rugby player ... which I think will take him far."

Standing on the edge of Littlebourne at lunchtime, with fellow pupils playing energetic, boisterous games of scrag behind him, James says there will be many who are unaware of his father's death and what he has been through.

"I didn't really want to be like a sob story, always bringing it up."

But he knows without doubt how profoundly it has changed him, for the rest of his life.

"It has made me more motivated.

"And I no longer take things for granted.

"You have to enjoy life, because you never know when it will be your last day."

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